I am counting reasons not to feel sad about today. It’s just that I am what I feel and think I am and today is not the day for celebration and I would be a hypocrite if I will say i am okay.

I have listed some of the things that I think why I am feeling this way.

  1. It’s a gloomy day. It’s hot at the same time wet and it do affect my emotions therefore I crave for sweets and want to eat more.

  2. I have allergies since last week. It’s itchy and i am unconsciously scratching my rashes and are already  irritated.  I usually have these when I am under stress or the weather changes and now it’s both.

  3. Lost my job and only left with a part-time evening class.

4. I am already bored to death – All the DVD series and movies that I already watched even the Korean films with English subtitle, surprisingly I enjoyed watching them again. See how bored I really am?

5. Hate to se the situation of my dad. He is getting weaker and weaker everyday and I felt I need to do something but I don’t know what it is. i don’t know where to start or how to start.

6. Afraid on what will happen to my sick father. I just hate the worse part of everything especially I am the only one who will look after and take care of him. 

7. I can’t concentrate on my papers. They should be submitted a long time ago but because I have a lot, I mean “A LOT” in my head to take care, I can not produce good ideas, process things and make things work. =( I worry about this everyday.

8. I desire to finish a lot of things. Before, I felt that I have no time for each one of them but now I have a lot of time yet I lack in resources to fulfill and finish those things.

Like a season, it changes in the course and the movement of time. There are two seasons, there are three and there are four in which each country have.  We are like each country that has their unique but not different seasons in life that whether we like it or not we have to face, experience and later endure them. Each season passes. I just hope that it will not pass without getting anything from it.

I know that God enables us to have unique individual mechanism to cope up with our problems and struggles. He will never leave us or for sake us or even give us something that we will not be able to endure. Our God is too big for our gigantic troubles. I believe that mourning was made to make us realize a lot of things in the process of purification and I guess, the reason for all these things is for us to stop, be still and recognize Him in our lives .

It will be no worries, He is just a faith away and to mourn is free.

Is it our obligation to take care for our parents when they get old? This has been a question and a call for debates for different people, from different background, places and values. We can also get different opinions about this matter but what I believe is that the answer lies in our conscience.

I was able to visit Home for the Aged Philippines located at the back of SM City North Edsa in Quezon City. We went there for a school emersion while I was Studying Youth Ministry at Alliance Graduate School in 2003. I am not sure of what subject is that but my experience was unforgettable. It was like an experience of a lifetime, an eye opener that I cannot shut my eyes and my head thinking about the old men and women in that institution.

What about their situation?

We have just visited once and have stayed for few hours but what I can say is that it’s different when you closely encounter and witness their life with your own eyes and have the experience to feel what it is like to be there. What more if you stay there for the last few years of your life until your last breath? Have you thought of yourself in the shoe of those people living there? Well, It’s not only about the sight, the smell, what you can hear and what your senses will capture in that place, I just thought that it’s about everything where you can reflect your whole life and purpose in that moment.

They may not tell you what they feel or what’s going on inside them but you can see on their faces the different emotions of loneliness, physical pain, sickness and hardships not only caused by old aged but also of their inner struggles.

When these old men and women saw us coming, tears fell from their eyes and came towards us and embraced us. Maybe they thought we are their relatives or their sons and daughters who came to visit them. I have seen how they are longing for them and the emotions are too heavy and complicated to express the exact situation in that place.


The activity succeeded, for a while we have given them joy and a little entertainment and as we packed our things and go, they became sad again. The feeling was extremely heavy and I tried not to shed tears but I can’t help it. I thought of my parents and grandparents and wondered about them in their old aged and prayed that I may become a good daughter and be able to treat them right when their time comes. I feared for them and desired that they may not experience what I witnessed.

Two years after that moment my mom passed away, she died at the age of 44. She didn’t die old yet she has suffered from kidney failure and in her situation we knew how she needed a close attention and care. We, my siblings are proud that we were able to do our part as her children and took care of her until she died. My mom even shared with her friends and sisters weeks before she passed away that she is proud and thankful that she had children like us. That is a huge compliment from an awesome woman who is dear to us and it was like accepting a trophy for winning a grand prize but despite of all we did to her, I felt we could have done more to show our love and gratitude.

Seven years have passed and now I have with me my dad to take care for. Unlike with my mom, now I am solely taking in-charge of my father who has survived four major strokes. It was really hard on my part and more painful to see how he has suffered everyday because of the complications and effect of old age. It’s more painful on his part because my sister is away with her family in the other part of the world also my brother who has other business to take care of. I understand them and I have to understand more my dad and stand by him. I decided on this and took this privilege to take care for my parent not because of I have no other choice or anything else but solely, it’s because I love him as how I love my mom.

Yes, I believe that it’s not my obligation or any children to take care of their parents but for me, it’s an honor and a way to show love, respect and gratitude. I know and believe that they will understand whatever decision I will make for them and will accept it even if they will not like it like sending them anywhere else where I can live my life normally and free from that kind of obligation but my decision is to do what I have to do - play my part and do the best I can.

I am not the best daughter and I am not even the ideal person whom anybody can look up to. I am like anybody else who experiences a daily ups and downs in life, it is just that I live my life according to what I am called to do like teaching, writing, being a friend and a daughter. Parents are also gifts from God as what we are to our parents.


In many countries even in the Philippines old aged men and women were sent by their relatives and children to an institution for the aged people reasons like:

1. Elderly prefer to get old and die in the institution than being an added load for their love ones.
2. No one would be taking care of them because they are working.
3. Old people can be taken cared more if they stayed in the Haven for the elders.
4. They are ashamed that their family, children, wife and / or in-laws saw them how different they become.
5. They are irritated and cannot stand how old people are acting, losing a memory, going back to childhood and uncontrollable bowel system and leaking.
6. They are just too heavy to carry and an added obligation.
7. More personal reasons.

What is life then? Is it our destiny to get old and die alone not being able to see how your grand children grow? Or not being able to guide your own children become good parents and journey with them with the lessons you have learned from the mistakes and the successes you have experienced?

This is just one mystery of life part from the choices we make for ourselves and for the ones we loved. But there is one thing certain and unchangeable, we will soon retire, we will see how our hair turn grey, our skin to sag, loose our teeth, our memory and even our selves back to ashes where we came from… old age is a reality not our choice but a destiny.

THE POLITICS OF DECEPTION

Poverty, slavery, racism, discrimination, social injustices – these are social problem that even democracy couldn’t kill.

I mean it. I am sick and tired of the word freedom when I see people across the world suffered and even die. It’s a fact that innocent suffered. People hurt people and over power the weak. Children grew up and see how terrible the world is and learn from it in extreme ways. You know exactly what I mean. We are taught of the ways of the world, learn violence around us through media and worse part is that we got use o it, live with it and it became part of us…
The idealism that we learn from school was just a crap, a waste of money and time we spent just to get a degree. But after the years of burning our eyelids on books and papers wola!!! We are shocked by the reality of how the system really works.

We are deceived and I am not sure when it started and how exactly it started. But one thing is certain that we lived with a LIE. Politicians when they are campaigning for a certain position promised the people to be their superman or superwoman, a hero who they can only rely on. They said if the people will make them win they will give them the heavens, as if they are gods to make the impossible possible, but when they already got what they wanted from them where is the promised paradise.

A pretty fine woman believed herself as ugly. She thinks and looks at herself as worthless and unwanted having a brown skin and undesirable looks for her. Want she wanted is to be skinny, to have the finest skin like milk and to take something out to her body and add more in some part of her. She is not contented so what she did was took drugs, used expensive cosmetics, underwent painful surgery a lot more to satisfy herself with more looks, more desirable yet in a painful and expensive process. Both men and women now created a standard of what is beautiful and desirable. I call them the “super vain” because vanity is not bad but everything that went extreme is not good anymore.

We are lured by the promises that we all knew could be uncertain and might fail in the end. As the saying “promises are meant to be broken” that even us, makes promises and only commitment makes us stood by it. But how much more is the word spoken in public? Or a promise made by contract and bonded by law? How many of these we have encountered and how did we responded?
We are also swayed by the bargains, by tags and labels of signature items such as bags, shoes or clothes that we bought. It doesn’t matter how expensive it will be as long as we have the latest trend of what we think is genuine, in-style, cool or hot. We become compulsive on buying or having things only because of the endorser or the latest ingredient or content. Such words that impact us are titanium, CQ10, amino acids, glutathione, wellness, anti-oxidants, techie, ergonomical and a thousand more words that we follow and buy for these reasons. Do they really help? Yes, but not always. Are they all beneficial for everybody? It depends. My point is we become easily swayed, manipulated, deceived and become less critical and decisive on what we should be.

Marketing, public relations and advertising industry has studied how to make us and change our preferences, behaviors and attitude. They benefited a lot from us and made a lot of money and opportunities but this is not for everybody. We should all face it! That’s the reality and most of the time it sucks to know that we are just being used.

Deception has been the way of the world. This is the way we usually do even we don’t like it or we don’t want it done both consciously and unconsciously. The name of science and the field of education that should be helping out to elevate the lives of the people were also used to hurt their lives and their future. Same way with the government, the political system and the media that should be protecting the interest of the people turn their back to protect just “some” that would be useful for them.

Doesn’t make us worry to know that we are the subject? Would you even care that this concerns you, your love ones and their future? As the big corporations and institutions invest money and profession for their ambition the consequences are the same, if h but not of they invest good, will be reaping the same thing and the other way around but not of the equal amount.

The reality is that were not able to grow and exercise our own freewill. Many of us just take whatever was given or supplied to us with no alternatives just an ample of options among what has been popularly advertized. I am not sure of the extent of this matter. I also don’t know if people are aware of this or just ignore and enjoy being deceived.

Life is a choice. As long as we have all the knowledge and the awareness that we needed to take a stand on our own, we can no longer blame others but our self. It’s now a personal responsibility to take care of our own mind and will.

Deception is everywhere.

EKSENA SA PAMPASAHERONG SASAKYAN
(In Filipino Language)

May kanya kanyang eksenang pinakikita ang mga tao sa bawat lugar maging sa uri ng sasakyang pipiliin upang masakyan. Ano-ano ba sila?

BYAHE AT TRANSPORTASYON?
As ususal ang karaniwang sasakyan Tricycle. Jeepney. Bus. Tren. Kung meron pang iba yun ay mga pang-pribading sakayan ng mga afford gumastos ng malaki sa karaniwan ay di ganun ka-praktikas na gawain. Pero sa mga lugar na dagsaan ang tao, kahit siguro trapik ay magdala nalng ng sasakyan kaysa makipagitgitan sa napaka raming mga commuters at sa mga sasakyan na punuan. Imagine ang isang bus na siksikan na parang sinardinas na ang hitsura ng mga tao na maglalakbay ng dalawa hangang tatlong oras. Kahit naka hills ka ng 2 to 3 inches at mag-mini skirt hayy.. wala yan kaysa malate ka o abutan ng gabi sa daan.

JEEPNEY
Sa terminal pa lang magulo na. Pero meron din ma hindi pumipilang mga sasakyan pero and mga Juan dela Cruz att mga Maria Clara na sasakay sa bandang bungad na ay makakaranas ng kamalasan. Kung pwede nga lng na sumabit si Maria sa estribo ng jeep gagawin para makaabot sa oras ng kanyang pagpasok.

They call it "first day of classes. Kahit gindi naman talaga first day of classes dahil last week nagumpisa na ang classes sa Metro Manila at ibang lugar sa Pilipinas pero dahil yung mga hindi nag-open ng classes lask week ay magsisipag open na ng kani-kanilang klase ginawang opisyal ang terminong "First day of Classes".

MORNING HABITS: TV
Nagising ako kaninang madaling araw mga 4:00 ng umaga. Pagbukas ng aking mata hinanap ko muna ang remote control tapos binuksan ko sa aking paboritong channel ang Star World. Medyo luma na ang pelikula nila kaya inilipat ko sa GMA 7 para panoorin ang reply ng episode ng kanilang documentary. As usual, ayun aabutin ako ng alasingko kaya bumangon na ako para isak-sak ang termos. Inilabas ang mga lulutuing almusal hangang sa hapunan na rin at kinalampag ang aking mga taga-sunod.

Nag-madali akong maligo para habang nagbibihis ay subay-bayan ang palabas sa telebisyon. Alam ko isa na itong adiksyon ana gawin ito araw araw na gumising ng napaka aga at mahuhuli dahil sa nakatututok mga mata ko sa telebisyon at imbis na gumalaw at magmadali sa pag-aayos hayun ilang minuto nalang ay mag-aalasais na.

BREAKFAST
Sa almusal hindi ako sanay na wlang makitang itlog sa hapag kainan. Kung hindi pritong itlog na scramble, sunny side-up or omelet. Parang mula ng bata ako at nagkamulat sa mundo ang ITLOG na ang naibigan kong pagkain sa umaga. Kung noon na bata pa ako nagrereklamo ako at lagi kong sinasabi "itlog na naman..." ngaun para siyang nakakaadik na view at isang sagkap ng buhay na hinahanap ng panlasa ko. Ganun talaga. Pero pano nalng kaya kapag nag-ka krisis at na-hoard ang mga ito sa market? pano nlng kung ma-peste ang mga manok? at pano na kaya kung di na mangitlog ang mga manok? TskTsk.. wla lng gusto ko lng ishare.

(written in Filipino)

Araw araw nalang ay kailangn gumising ng maaga. Dapat bago pumatak ang alas singko mulat na ang iyong mga mata para sa paghahanda para sa buong araw. Kahit anongg puyat mo, kahit anong oras ka pa umuwi o nagpuyat sa ibat-ibang kadahilanan dahil kailangn mong kumayod ng todo gigising ka para pumasok sa iskwela man o trabaho.

Mga karaniwang Itenerary meron ang isang Pinoy sa Metro:
METRO ITINERARY
4:00 am to 5:00 am ideyal na oras ng pagising
5:00 am to 5:30 am dapat nakabangon na, magluto ng almusal at nakaligo na
5:30 am to 6:00 am kailangan naka handa na o nag-byabyahe na sa patutunguhan

saaking karanasan, napaka halaga ngg bawat minuto na pumapatak. isang minuto lng ako mahuli ay parang katumbas na ito ng isang oras at kungg mamalasin ka dalawang oras pa ito.


mula alas-sinko hangang alas sais nasa lansangn na ang halos 50% ng mga tao para mag-byahe. mahirap nang sumakay at ang lahat ay pang kasali salarong football o rugby na pagaagawa ang sasakyan para makarating sa kani-kanilng patutunguhan.

mula alas otso (8:00am) ng umaga bilng pinaka ideal na oras kung saan ang lahat ay nakatakdang pumasok sa kanikanilng papasukang iskwelahan o opisina at ito ay kalimitang hangang alas singko at ala sais.

uuwi si juan delacruuz o si maria clara samga oras na ito at tatahakin nya ang masalimuot na kalsada ng edsa o ng manila ng mga oras mula alas-singko hangang sa makauwi siya ng alas syyete (7:00 pm) dipende sa kung saan siya umuuwi o naninirahan.

si juan dela cruz at maria clara, pagod na at gutom. di nya alm ang ulam sa bahay nila at malas nya kapag naubusan siya ng hapunan at baka tutong nalng ang maabutan.

Sa nag-mamadaling Pinoy ano kaya ang dahilan... telnobela ba, basketbol, crush na kapit bahay, barkada o hapunan? Ang iba nman ay okay lang dahil nandyan nmn si McDo, Jollibee o si Mang Inasal. Ang iba, iba iba ang dahilan at kung aalamin mo pa sasabihin mo na sana di mo na inalam.

Anong oras nanaman ikaw matutulog? maaga ba? Huwee... uumagahin pa ata dahil mag-fe-facebook pa para mag-ani, makipag-chat, manood o maglaro pa.

Hangang sa kinaumagahan..tulog na.